Guessing what the state of skateboarding will be in 100 years is no easy task. 100 years is an incredibly long time. It’s nothing but guessing what will happen in a year, because that’s just speculation on how current trends will develop, or even 20 years because that’s just aimed at how current trends will be reinterpreted by the next generation.
100 years ago, World War II hadn’t happened, Americans couldn’t legally buy alcohol, and Warren Harding was President. Exactly… who? He was an old man who has since largely fallen into oblivion, as will many of today’s beloved skater characters and brands.
But Jenkem is not one to shy away from a challenge, so as the youngest person here and the person most likely to see the year 2122, I decided to make an attempt to predict the very distant future of skateboarding.
E-skating will be bigger than real skating
Over the next 100 years, as eSports grow in popularity, skateboarding will fully embrace the virtual world and begin to outpace the physical world. Skater XL already got an early head start by hosting a Virtual Tampa Pro, and we’ll see that continue into the next century. We’ll probably have Virtual Street League, Virtual Battle at the Berrics and maybe even Virtual Dime Glory Challenge where virtual pros will compete to do the coolest virtual wall ride across virtual pools full of virtual sharks.
There could only be as many physical skateboarders in 2122 as there are fingerboarders right now. Unfortunately, real skating is becoming a niche side sport, gaining popularity and visibility only every four years at the Olympics, much like table tennis and synchronized swimming.
Skate shops are (basically) closed down
As (physical) skateboarding’s popularity wanes and skaters lose their “cool status” in society, skate shops will no longer be the boutique shopping experience they are today. Sure, a few may survive and frolic for a while, but it’ll be more like walking into one of those curiosity shops that sell dehydrated rabbit feet and shark teeth in formaldehyde. As the world loses interest in skating, there will no longer be a need for skate shops in every city, just as the world doesn’t need bobsleigh or curling shops.
At the very least, that means you’re no longer being made cool by the staff at the store.
Hoverboards will still not exist
We need to get the fantasy of hoverboards out of our heads. If we don’t have flying cars and jetpacks in 2022, we definitely won’t have floating skateboards in 2122. Imagine what a shit show driving in a big city already is. The logistics of people, boards and cars floating in the sky will never make sense.
However, since cornballs will always be cornballs, we have will “Alternatives” to skateboarding continue to emerge, such as the one wheel and boosted boards we have today. Luckily, that means the few skaters that still exist still have jerks to point at and make fun of if they whiz past the spot during a session.
Vert skating will be popular again
100 years from now, what’s left of the skate community will desperately need something new. It will have gotten so bad that it doesn’t matter what trick you do at any street spot, it’s ABD. Skateboarding is in dire need of someone to come in and reinvent the wheel.
But since that persona will never materialize, instead vert skating will come back into vogue because some archaeologist in Wisconsin will find a crack in it The search for animal chins on a buried iPhone 28 Pro, still magically turning on, and proceed to blast it across the metaverse. Any skater will be mesmerized, and although he is in the video, no one will remember Tony Hawk’s story, so there will be a race to land the 900 again. Only this time, the trick is “the Big Ass Spin in partnership with Meta™.”
Pants have a baggy leg and a skinny leg
By 2122, pant trends will have gone through varying degrees of wideness and tightness several times. People will be so over the many changeovers that pant makers will realize the one thing they haven’t tried is making pants with two different bagginity levels each, instead of removing the fat from baggy pants or nutty pants a little more to add volume to the side. Of course, to our naïve modern minds, that sounds absurd and ugly, but people used to wear monocles and ten-gallon hats, so who says that’s too out of line?
People will think you’re crazy if you Not wear a helmet
Rigorous CTE testing shows that 95% of skateboarders have mild to severe CTE. This new revelation will prompt Red Bull to take some kind of initiative and someone from their sports medicine team will create the first-ever helmet cap. The blue and silver half helmet half cap will be featured on every skater they sponsor and from there it will slowly trickle down to the few remaining IRL skaters. The helmets won’t look good, and they will indeed be the last nail in the coffin for stylish skateboarders, but at least nobody’s going to have a Swiss cheese brain anymore, right?
Vlogging is the only remaining form of skate video
In 100 years, the average skate video will just be the hottest skater you know filming himself skating through debris and reviewing a pair of shoes from Cariuma, the only skate shoe company left. Mikey Alfred’s grandson, Dorito Alfred, will follow in his grandpa’s footsteps by making the worst movie of all time, titled Mid 90s” and the few remaining skaters will be totally pissed off.
Nobody will remember Jenkem
By the time the next century comes to an end, skateboarding will finally have penetrated every conceivable mainstream channel and will have lost all of its appeal as an “alternative” activity for kids. It will eventually end up in the only place in the universe with the most power to make things uncool – middle school classrooms. Kids will learn about the history of skateboarding just like we learned about Manifest Destiny and The Great Depression, and because kids are kids, most of them will doze through the entire lesson and talk shit about it during recess.
Just like in US history, certain aspects of skating are deliberately left out of the curriculum to convey a squeaky clean image. All the people we love and all the things that make skating great today are being watered down. Your children’s children will definitely not find out about Fred Gall, he HIT message boards or baker 3and instead learns that the most important figures in skating of all time were Steve Berra, Ty Evans and Andy Schrock.
Luckily, this means no one has a clue about this article and can’t fact-check our predictions. However, since you’ve made it this far, make sure to set your calendar reminders to check back in 2122 to see how we did!